My Worst and Favorite Mistake
by Jade Shintz
Summary: FINAL CHAPTER UP Jade couldnt imagine her boyfriend Jack being any more devoted than he already is, until she finds out, that he isnt all that faithful, watch her try to find new love in a certain Brooklyn leader.
1. Default Chapter

Alright girlies! This is my second attempt at a story, it was inspired by a song, "Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crow, and yes it is based on some of the lyrics, but eventually it forms it's own plot line, so don't expect it to be line by line followed. Read the first chapter, and tell me if you think it's a total flop or not haha.  
  
Luv ya chicas! Jade 


	2. Chapter 2

Oh.Oh.  
  
I woke up and called this morning  
  
The tone of your voice was a warning  
  
That you don't care for me anymore.  
  
"Good morning babe," I said and kissed his cheek. He looked up and rubbed his eyes filled with sleep. "What do you want Snap?" he almost growled at me.  
  
"Just saying good morning." I could tell he was not in a good mood already this morning. I slid off his bed where I had been sitting watching him sleep.  
  
He was so peaceful when he slept.he was my angel in my dreams, and my oppressor during the day. My knight in shinning armor.who had a temper to be reckoned with, and in the beginning, I was the sugar in his coffee, the silver lining in his cloud.now I was the thorn in his side, and the loud annoying bird that woke him up in the morning.  
  
"Yea, well I have a long day ahead of me.just, stay out of my way babe," he sat up and kissed me passionately and briefly on the lips, got up and left the room in his boxers to the washroom.  
  
Your friends are sorry for me  
  
They watch you pretend to adore me  
  
But I'm no fool to this game  
  
I looked around, did anyone else notice? Mush looked up from buttoning his undershirt, barely caught my eye, and looked away. Yea...I thought bitterly, they knew.  
  
That is it! I told myself. I am breaking up with him today! And I mean it this time, he can't just kiss me and make things better anymore, especially with her around.  
  
I cast a dirty look to the red head in the corner, giving Jack a look up and down. My blood began to boil, Sterly. she was looking at my guy.  
  
Giving him looks only a girl who had been with a guy could give. A look I never was able to give. A look I never wanted to give.  
  
Sterly had been after Jack since before I could remember. Catching him when he was done selling...saying goodnight to him before me in the wash room, and even pretending to have bad dreams for him to come and comfort her.  
  
She sickened me.and yet, I couldn't shake my love for Jack, I was a fool, and I knew it....a fool for falling for him.  
  
His hazel eyes trapped my soul, he held my heart in his gaze, and my life with his own. Everything he said or did, affected me in some way.  
  
I began to dress myself, throwing on my over shirt, and buttoned it halfway, leaving the top showing my undershirt. I bent over to tie my shoes, and an unsuspected slap on my butt brought me jerking up and more alert than I had been moments before.  
  
I turned my head, "Oh, what is it with you and hitting my bottom?" I asked my not-so timid boyfriend. He smirked showing off his well chiseled lips, "Well it jist da poityest bottom around, ain't boys?" he said the last part loudly and to the entire room, there were many woops and hollers, many agreed, but it was too early in the morning to really care about another guys' girlfriends butt.  
  
I pulled him close to me, and he reached around me, arms held around my back, drawing me even closer. He pulled me up and I let my lips meet him in the middle, he really was a good kisser, perfectly shaped lips, and he always kissed with energy. Our first kiss had been somewhat eccentric... Unplanned to say the least on my part...  
  
The newsies around us let their vision slide over us, not taking notice of us anymore, they all knew, knew it was an act. An act for me, what they didn't know, was that I knew it was all a front. I wasn't stupid, and I had actually seen Jack and Sterly kissing in the washroom around midnight in a corner.  
  
His hands traveled up my back, and through my long blonde-gold hair, rubbing my neck in little circles, sending shivers down my spine. He knew all the right buttons to press on me, and soon I was forgetting what that girls' name was, I was forgetting that he was cheating on me....  
  
Unnervingly quick, he swept me off my feet, threw me on the bottom bunk, and began to tickle me, I laughed uncontrollably and tried to wiggle away. Squealing, I fell on the floor trying to get away from him. He laughed very loudly when he heard the thunderous THUNK of me falling on the floor.  
  
He smiled innocently and coming around to help me to my feet, but as I took his hand, his left hand came out of nowhere, and tickled me again, "EK!" I yelled and squirmed away, he covered my loud squeaking noises with his own mouth, a few minutes later we parted, and he walked out of the door without a word good bye. 


	3. Chapter 3

Did you know when you go  
  
It's the perfect ending  
  
To the bad day I was just beginning  
  
When you go all I know is  
  
You're my favorite mistake  
  
"Great, just wonderful Jade, you just managed to be tricked into staying with him AGAIN.you are such a fool!" I said to myself.  
  
This was just going to be another day of the good girlfriend, and the jealous red head.  
  
Did you know, could you tell  
  
You were the only one  
  
That I ever loved  
  
Now everything's so wrong  
  
I leaned on the bunk and sighed, he was the best part of my life, isn't that just sad?  
  
He was the guy I couldn't leave, the person I woke up in the morning to see, and he didn't care about me anymore.  
  
I finished buttoning my shirt and walked out of the now empty room.  
  
I headed down to the distribution office and got my newspapers. I headed to my usual spot near the Brooklyn bridge, the side nearest to Manhattan.  
  
Spot Conlon sold on the other side, which was a little annoying, anyone coming a certain way would already have their papers, so it took more time to sell.  
  
Of course, as I was a very good impromptu person-I could easily come up with catchy headline to make people interested.  
  
I sold half my papers in less than two hours, this was amazing, that had never happened before, but then no one coming from the other side had any papers, also unusual.  
  
I think maybe Spot might have come to Manhattan and decided to sell with Jack, which would mean he is near Central Park.  
  
Another hour later I was wiping the ink off of my hands on the insides of my pockets and walking toward Tibby's, where most of the newsies would be for lunch.  
  
I walked in and there were the normal greetings:  
  
"Hey Snaps,"  
  
"How's it rollin goily?" "Nice ta see ya Snap," but there was one out of place, "How was ya day Jade?"  
  
I recognized the voice as that of my adversary from the other side of the bridge...Spot Conlon. 


	4. Chapter 4

Hey everyone! I know I haven't updated in a while.but that's because reviews have slowed to bare minimum of one! Haha.anyways, hope you like the addition..if you have any ideas for the story, email them to me! I'd love to hear them. Well, you know, the more reviews I get, the more motivated I am! Haha.hint hint.if you read, review! Haha lol love you guys, thanks for all the support anna! Pshh.you are a caribou! And I am a snail! Haha I loff ya, all of ya! ~Jade  
  
Then there was my friend, through thick and thin, my sweet comforter about my secret thoughts about Jack. He was my confidant, I told him everything, he was the only civil guy I had met all my life, well Jack had been one, until Sterly had stepped in.  
  
Now here comes your secret lover  
  
She'd be unlike any other  
  
Until your guilt goes up in flames  
  
I felt a hard tap on my shoulder and I turned around, it was Sterly. "Blondie move, I have to sit down sometime today you know!" her harsh words attracted stares at me, and I became slowly animated again and sat down next to Jack and Spot. Sterly liked to call me Blondie, to put me down, she held the untrue idea that blonde girls were unintelligible, oh how wrong she was. Her favorite phrase was to say, "Wow, you are an idiot with a capital E!" just wow...  
  
Jack put his arm around me, but at the same time leaned over to give Sterly a hug and I saw his hand wander. I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, and I turned Spot was looking at me intently, a look in his eyes that showed he wasn't all that happy to see Sterly and Jack all over each other. I gave him a small faked smile, I had practiced that smile so many times, people actually thought I was happy sometimes. Spot however, always saw right through it, and he normally scowled when he saw it, he knew it meant I was in a bad mood.  
  
But then, when your boyfriend that you've been with for two years is putting his hands over some whore, you might get a little touchy. The whore part was true, she was. She had been with almost every boy in the Lodging house before I appeared on the scene. I had heard some very vivid stories about one in particular.  
  
Spot and Sterly.  
  
She was his first girlfriend, and she broke his young and vibrant heart. He was at the ripe age of fifteen, he was a newly orphaned kid, strong, but he was very quiet. She mystified him, and soon had him wrapped around her slim and pale fingers that she was putting on Jack right now.  
  
Well three months into the newly budded relationship, she walks in the Brooklyn house with some Harlem newsie all over her. She had obviously had a few drinks but she was not drunk, and the guy was sent to escort her back to Brooklyn, her home.  
  
Well to make a long story short, Spot woke up in the morning to find Sterly and this boy on a bed together, not completely covered to say the most. It broke his heart, and after that, he steeled himself.  
  
He turned into Sterly, or at least embodied her morals. He had been with a different girl every three weeks, without fail, of course none of the girls he dated knew the story, and had no way of knowing why he was dating them to begin with. He never crossed that  
  
They were all alike in some way, they didn't look the same, but they certainly acted the same, fawning over him like he was some idol. Which let's face it, to New York, he was an idol, at least to the newsies and adolescents of the street. He was their pillar of strength, the reason so many tried for the top, was because they aspired to have the same influence he had had on so many others.  
  
Spot didn't mean to break hearts, or maybe he did. Perhaps he was trying to fill the empty hole Sterly had left in him.  
  
He watched Jack and Sterly with unchanged emotion floating in his eyes, regret.  
  
After he saw Sterly and the unknown newsie together, he had fled Brooklyn, and ran nowhere and anywhere he could, along the way, he ran into me. The clumsy shop manager's daughter who was trying to sweep in front of the small tidy shop. The first time I saw him, he had tears in his eyes.  
  
I couldn't help but try and help. A guy who is crying just kills my heart, and I cant help but try to make his life better. When he first saw me, I don't know what he was thinking, but he let me help him. He let me comfort him, maybe I was the only one who cared, or maybe its just that kind strangers are the saviors of the down trodden.  
  
I invited him to come into the shop for something to eat, by the time I had found him, it had been two days since he had started walking and stopped living his life. He would not eat anything the first time I offered, but responded with a question, "Why would you'se be so willin ta help a stranga like me?" I told him that there was not a person on this earth that would let him become this desolate if he let them help. He gave me a quizzical look and took the break I offered. I was fourteen then, young, stupid filled with questions and had astronomical ideas about love. Wildly outrageous ideas of how wonderful love would be.  
  
Now, in my sixteenth year, I've learned, it's a kick in the ass that never goes away.  
  
Jack taught me how wonderful the beginning could be, and then he ruined it. Well maybe I should blame Sterly; she ruined him, therefore ruining me.  
  
I saw Spot on and off for a year, he would come to the shop on holidays, with a free paper. I would give him a free cup of tea, or coffee, really just anything that was fresh and hot. Then when my parents died, I saw him a lot more. I would go and stay at the Brooklyn Lodging house, I was not a newsie, I just stayed there, Spot made sure I was paid for, so I lived there free.  
  
He was my best friend I guess you could say, there really wasn't much more you could say. I have seen him go through more girls than most guys in that house have gone through in a year than he does in a week. He is committed though, when he's with a girl, he is with her. He has never cheated, if there was one thing Spot hated more than Sterly's mystery man, it was unfaithful people.  
  
He once kicked out a boy for kissing another girl before breaking it off with his previous girlfriend. I guess you could say that she traumatized him, and she did, she really did. More than she could even have predicted, I'm sure she didn't even realize he would see them in the morning, all over each other, in the same bed, which at this day and age, is completely abhorred. She was a whore the second she kissed another guy.  
  
Shaking my head of the memories, I took another look at the situation at hand. Jack was nestling close to Sterly, and she was soaking it up. Jack seemed to notice me there suddenly, and just as suddenly, kicked Sterly away and held me close, arms around my waist. I rested my head on his shoulder... he was a great pillow. Sighing I closed my eyes, selling that early had to be against the law or something, it wiped me out every time.  
  
Everyone knew I wasn't a morning person, and stayed out of my way in the morning. Sterly learned that the hard way, she had the mistaken idea that I would be happy if she poured ice-freezing water on my head to wake me up.  
  
I was not amused.  
  
Ten minutes of her screaming left everyone in the room horrified as the looked at the bite and nail marks on her arms.  
  
I was vicious in the morning.  
  
There had been small amounts of red hair piles on the ground. Sterly since then had learned to avoid me in the morning. That is how I got my nickname, Snapper. Everyone called me Snap though it was easier to say, and not as long, eventually it was just shortened. Only Spot called me by my real name, he was the only one who really knew it. I bit people sometimes. It was a mechanism of defense, and I could not really help it. What can I say? Ten years with a dog in a shop as your best companion and you will pick up a few habits, mine just happened to be a tendency to bite and not play fair in a fight.  
  
Jack put his head on top of mine, and I delved further down memory lane.  
  
It had been five months since my parents untimely death, and the awkward move into the Brooklyn house. Most of the older guys had adopted me as a younger sister, so I wasn't alone. Only Spot had been a true friend, the rest were just over protective brothers, always worried I was going to get hurt. Don't get me wrong, it was great having others care for me, but when they are always telling you, that you cant go out somewhere because it wasn't suitable for a girl to go there, you'll get a wee bit mad.  
  
Spot often helped me sneak out after they had left, and we would go to the docks or such, he never really left my side when I was in Brooklyn. Except in the morning when he had to sell his papers. Then I was on my own, I worked in a small sewing shop that was near the Lodging house, and so I never was very far from the boys.  
  
When I fist saw Jack, I couldn't believe my eyes, he was... Amazing.  
  
His bright hazel eyes, that changed color every few minutes entranced me often, and sometimes I just found myself staring, at him. His hair was always falling in his eyes, falling accidentally across his forehead, and all I could do was sit and stare. 


	5. Chapter 5

The first day I saw him, he asked me to be his girl, he had talked to me the entire day, ditching his duties to talk to me, he treated me as sweetly as I thought could be possible for a guy.  
  
I had paused, and a look of concern passed his features. "What's wrong?" he had asked, actually interested in my emotions. "I just, I cant believe I have it," I had said cryptically.  
  
"Have what?" he asked confused. I looked down, but his gentle hand came under my chin, and pulled it back up.  
  
He never knew he was my first love. He never realized how he had my heart in his hands. He could never know how my heart and emotions were overflowing at that moment.  
  
The torrent of feelings that were rushing through me as he slowly lent in, never looking anywhere but my eyes, and kissed me. I lent into him and he kissed more vigorously than before. With vigor, and energy.  
  
Slowly we pulled apart, and I was going to faint with all the jumbles going around in my stomach. So many emotions, I was nervous, tremendously happy, tired, and unsatisfied, all in the same moment. My thoughts were soon cut off as he came back, this time running his fingers across my back, sending shivers all over.  
  
I pulled away looking into his eyes, filled with love, love for me. It was overwhelming, I wanted him to hold me again, I wanted to run away and scream, I wanted to talk to Spot about how this was happening, but instead he half smiled, and took my hand in his.  
  
O.K. I know.EXTREMELY short chapter.and I can tell you that I don't like it either.but just bleh you guys! Haha I have been off of the inspiration streak for maybe.two weeks now.its torture to write a sentence down. it doesn't flow like it should. I just like to say that I'll be updating as soon as I can.as I have new inspiration, and actually have time now.thank goodness, my exams are almost over, so when they finish, I hope I will please you with many many many new and LONG chappies! Haha, sorry for the shortness again! Luv ya chicka's Jade 


	6. Chapter 6

He was taking me on a tour of Central Park, stopping every once in a while to kiss me for a few minutes, and then to continue walking on and talking.  
  
We stumbled upon Spot and his newest girl, Sweets that was another requirement; they had names that started with S's. He gave us a crooked smile, Jack's arm was around my waist at the time, and I supposed he was trying to piece together the clues: my disheveled hair, giddy grin, and Jack's lopsided smile.  
  
Spot gave us a small appreciative smile, and led his girlfriend Sweets on to Toby's, the double of Tibby's in Manhattan. Jack and I walked on.and he finally took me home to the Brooklyn lodging house, but promised me he'd be back the next day. Well to make a long story short, I moved to Manhattan to be a long-term girlfriend, to be there for him all the time.  
  
You see Jack wasn't really into long distance relationships, and he also didn't trust me around other guys by myself for days on end. Now here we are, a year later, still with Jack, who had his hands all over the girl that broke my best friends heart.  
  
"So, Spot, how was selling today?" I asked him to try and break the unusual silence between the group in the booth. "I'se didn't have da time ta sell Snaps, ya didn't notice how easy it wus ta sell today?" He gave me a look. I shrugged and feigned a look of indifference, "You know I don't really view you as competition..." I laughed at his hurt look, I had wounded his pride temporarily. "Da day dat you'se finish sellin dis early, you'se bettah tell me thanks for da favor, for not showin up." I smiled, he always had a way of making me feel annoyed when I was trying to get a rise out of him.  
  
We were torn out of our pleasant conversation by Jack nudging me on the shoulder, "Yes?" I asked him sweetly. "Can I'se talk ta ya outside for a second?" he said nervously twitching. I raised my eyebrows, what could be so private that he couldn't say in front of Spot? And why was he twitching? Jack never got nervous....  
  
I looked over at Spot as I slowly slid out of the booth and walked towards the door with Jack's guiding hand on my shoulder to lead me out onto the sidewalk besides the door, he looked worried, and threw an angry glare at Sterly as she shot me the corniest grin of all time. Oh shit, something was going on.  
  
Jack pulled me outside and then turned to face me, running his hands through his hair in a nervous gesture. I reached out and grabbed the shaking hand, and kissed it, "What's wrong babe?" I cooed to him softly. He looked at me unexpectedly, right into my eyes, they were filled with uncertainty and worry.  
  
"Well, I've been talking to Sterly lately-" I cut him off, "So I've noticed," he continued-"And she and I have both come to the conclusion, that you and me, aren't working out."  
  
My eyes widened in shock, "Ok, care to explain a little more elaborately on that one for me?" He glanced down slowly into my eyes, and didn't look away, "I don't want you, well I do feel attracted to you, and I still care for you. I just, I cant resist temptation anymore, I have control and everything, but I just, I cant stay with you and remain faithful at the same time."  
  
(A/N: next few lines rated for language and violent themes.....haha she's mad)  
  
I looked at him, and laughed softly in disbelief. Faithful? When had he ever been faithful to me since the day Sterly tripped and 'fell' on his lips?  
  
I slapped him.  
  
I slapped him hard enough to leave a red mark on his face.  
  
I slapped him again, this time with my left hand.  
  
It threw his head to the other side.  
  
"FAITHFUL!" I screamed in his face. "You stopped being FUCKING faithful to me like.THREE FUCKING months ago you......you MAN-WHORE!"  
  
His face shown with disbelief, he was beyond shocked, but he quickly recovered and it turned to anger. I watched in terror as I saw his own hands rise towards me, he intended to strike me.  
  
The first contact was fast and hard, in my stomach, the second was on my lower left cheek. He lifted his left hand to make another blow, as the hand began to make a descent, a different hand that had a strong grip, came forward and caught Jack's wrist. "What da hell do you think your doin?" said an irate Spot. 


	7. Chapter 7

Oh guys! I love you all! I cant say how bad it's been! But Pete Yorn has pulled me through again! I think you can thank him personally for EVERYTHING! I wrote this all last night girlies! Well, personal thanks to everyone who reviewed for me. I reread all of them, and it really helped me write this. I wrote it for all of you, everyone! Even those who don't review! Never forget, I love you alllllll so so so much, and even more when you REVIEW!! MUAH!!!  
  
PREVIOUSLY*******The first contact was fast and hard, in my stomach, the second was on my lower left cheek. He lifted his left hand to make another blow, as the hand began to make a descent, a different hand that had a strong grip, came forward and caught Jack's wrist. "What da hell do you think your doin?" said an irate Spot. ********  
  
Jack wrenched his arm from Spot's grasp, and with a back ward glare, stalked off away from me. My cheek stung severely, and my lower abdomen was throbbing in pain.  
  
I felt soft hands on my waist, a light pressure on my chest and face as he caressed my body firmly, but gently as well. He led me down to the Manhattan lodging house, which was empty, but for us now. He sat me down on an empty bunk and looked at me, "What was that?" he said as quietly as possible.  
  
I looked up at him, but then threw my gaze down, my eyes were watering, and I didn't want to cry. I hated crying; I think I hated crying as much as Spot hated Sterly.  
  
"I'se don't care if you need ta cry, what he was gonna do aint right, he shouldn't have tried to hit you'se," his forefinger stroked my cheek softly. A bruise hadn't even formed yet on my left cheek. He hadn't seen....the.....fight . . . or the beating.  
  
My brimming eyes gave him a watery look, and I collapsed into his opened arms, grimacing slightly at the contact. "Tried?" I said almost choking on the word as it spilled from my mouth onto his warm shoulder.  
  
He pulled me slightly away, looking into my face, concern marring his angelic features that before I had found unappealing, he was my best friend, I had never looked at him differently. Now, staring into his eyes, like open oceans during a storm, I found him breath-taking. How long had I had the obstructed idea that he was not handsome?  
  
The look of pain that took life in his stormy eyes pained me, why did I imply that Jack had struck me?  
  
"Did he hit you Snaps?" I grimaced at my nickname. It sounded alien on his lips. "No, you know he'd never do that," I lied slowly, looking away from his eyes at the same time. He lifted my chin slowly with his hands, "Jade," oh, he had said it. My name, pouring from his sweet lips, I nearly forgot his commitment to his girlfriend, Secret; a wave of tenderness and wanting swept my body for him.  
  
He pulled me into a gentle and fulfilling hug, and he rubbed my back with his fingers in little circles. "I promise, he will never touch you again. I am so sorry I couldn't protect you from this. It's my fault-" at this I pulled away from him, Spot's fault? Jacks unfaithfulness and violence? I interrupted his tender decrees and apologies.  
  
"Jesse, no matter what happens to me in this world, I will never blame you for any of it." My lip began to tremble, and the world went wet. Salty tears poured from my blue eyes falling down my face in undetermined patterns, slipping off of my chin and onto Jesse's hands that were now holding my chin and stroking my cheek with true concern.  
  
A loud thumping noise came from downstairs and a few long moments later Race and Blink entered the room carrying an irate Jack by his arms into the room. Race had a contorted look of fury on his face. He practically threw Jack onto the floor in disgust.  
  
"Apologize." He said disgustedly to Jack, who was slowly picking himself up off the floor.  
  
I quickly wiped my eyes, and turning away from all four boys, walked out of the room. I swiftly hopped out the window and climbed down the fire escape. Figuring I needed some time alone, I began trekking in no particular path.  
  
Hours later, I found I had ended up in Brooklyn, more distinctly, at the docks in Brooklyn. The sun was setting over the water, a beautiful site to behold.  
  
I lost myself in the thoughts that were quite near to overwhelming me. Jacks' newest revelation in his character development. . . violence, hm, how quaint. Considering that it was his gentleness that led me to love him.  
  
I knew it made you feel dirty,  
  
And I was waiting over here for life to begin,  
  
I was looking for the new thing,  
  
And you were THE sunshine heading my front line,  
  
I was alone, you were just around the corner from me.  
  
A soft hand on my shoulder brought me from my reverie. "Hey, Snaps. . . listen, youse gotta come in soon, its too dark to stay out much longah." I turned my head slightly to see who the hand belonged to, and I wasn't in the least surprised to see Spot with concern sketched deep into his features at the moment.  
  
I knew I should not have made a big deal about it, but whenever Spot called me Snaps, my newsie name, I couldn't help but feel . . . well . . . cut off.  
  
He really was what you could call my last connection to my family. He knew them before they died, and he was a brother to me.  
  
Somewhere deep inside myself, I knew that he was much more, but at the moment I don't think I can take so much self discovery today.  
  
I slowly turned all the way around, and matched his own concerned face.  
  
"Jade . . . you'se gotta come in now, you can sleep in my room tonight, you'se had a rough day already. Don't worry about Secret, she knows we'se just friends. Real good friends."  
  
I sucked in a breath, the moment my name had left his mouth, a slow feeling began building in my lower abdomen.  
  
His hand had long ago left my shoulder, and only then realized that the sun wasn't shinning anymore. It was far beyond dusk, it was twilight.  
  
Though the hand was no where near my body, I could still feel the warm caress shooting lovely swells of comfort down my spine.  
  
Its a strange condition,  
  
A day in prison,  
  
Its a got me out of my head  
  
And I don't know what I came for  
  
I slowly let my eyes take in my Spot, my Jesse, from toes to knees, to torso, to beautiful sparkling blue eyes. His wonderful cerulean orbs. I searched them for a long time, trying to find the emotion I felt within the pit of my own stomach; it ached all throughout my body, and pounded in my chest.  
  
The longer I stared, the more I knew.  
  
I knew I loved him.  
  
A gasp escaped my lips as I realized his words.  
  
Friends.  
  
Right.  
  
Good, good friends.  
  
"No, Spot, I think I'll just sleep with the boys tonight, no reason to inconvenience you tonight. I've put you through enough trauma as it is." My voice was icy, and a little hoarse. It was a chilling tone, and he must have realized I was possibly more fragile then I let others think.  
  
His arms suddenly snaked around my waist. He held me close to his chest. I could feel his heart beating in a staccato rhythm, right next to mine.  
  
The smallest sound clawed its way out of my throat. It was a whimper.  
  
"God Damn you Jade. Damn you. Do you know what you do to me? How you worry me to no end?" He clung me closer to his body, his breathing was ragged.  
  
He was trying not to cry.  
  
This wrenched my heart. God, I was evil.  
  
I was making my Spot cry. Making the one person who could stop my own tears cry.  
  
I buried my head into his warm arms.  
  
I am just for you,  
  
As you are not for me  
  
So even if you stop,  
  
You are sitting here by yourself,  
  
You can never try to answer anymore,  
  
You can never start  
  
And see what you are doing to me.  
  
"Jesse, Jesse sh, babe don't cry. Pl-ease d-don't c-c-cry," I nearly sobbed into his shoulder.  
  
(A/N: yea yea yea. so what, they are crying together.... got a prob with it? See me.. lol {cackles in background} it's an emotional moment *smirks*.)  
  
He stifled his tears and held me, if possible closer to him.  
  
"Jade, listen, I... I got's somethin' I need to tell ya." My head snapped back up, I knew what was coming next, and I couldn't let him do it. No, I wouldn't let him.  
  
"Spot, um, I'm tired, why don't we just go back to the lodging house." He froze, maybe he thought I was rejecting him before he even proposed something to me, for us.  
  
(A/N: I know what your thinking ::twilight zone music plays in background:: well. .. I can guess.. and NO I think your wrong! Muahahaha, oh damn just read lol)  
  
"Alright," he whispered softly to my neck, and it sent a shiver down my body, I clung to him he was my anchor, even if he did belong to another.  
  
He abruptly let go of me, and clasping my hand, we walked in silence back to the Brooklyn lodging house. Along the way there, neither of us talked, both too immersed in our own thoughts to even begin to wonder why the other was silent.  
  
Ignoring my earlier comment to saying I'd sleep with the boys, he led my up to his own private room he had worked to earn since he was eight.  
  
To my surprise and discomfort, he began to step out of the room as soon as I sat on the bed. "Spot!" I cried in desperation.  
  
I needed someone but not just anyone. I needed him.  
  
I needed him even if he didn't want me.  
  
I wasn't allowed to be his.  
  
He was meant for another, at the docks, I had almost let him break up with Secret. Spot would have never gotten over cheating on his girlfriend. I couldn't let him forget the consequences he had built for himself. He would never stop beating himself up if he willingly cheated on his girl.  
  
His eyes turned full of worry towards me, he didn't even need to ask what I wanted. To my dismay however, he shook his head and left. Shutting the door quietly behind himself, he left me.  
  
Alone, in the dark, with my own fears and anxieties.  
  
I slowly crawled beneath his covers and engrossed myself with his smell. If he wasn't here, I could pretend he was.  
  
However, soon enough the pretending wasn't enough. Soon enough I knew that I needed just him.  
  
I was weak, he was now a part of me. When Jack broke it off with me o' so subtlety, I realized that it was a relief, it was just cloaked with shock. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had always thought I'd be the one to sever the destructive relationship between us.  
  
At the docks, it dawned on me that, really, my relief was replaced by a new anxiety, that Spot didn't feel the same way. Now, I just wanted what I considered in my mind to be already mine.  
  
I cried bitter tears for the fate that had handed me such a sour deck of cards for so early on in life.  
  
I heard the door squeak open and a body entered the room. The familiar scent filled the room, and my heart nearly leapt out of my heaving chest. Spot.  
  
He softly shut the door and moseyed on over to the bunk ever so slowly. He deftly sat on the bed near my stomach and put a hand on my back.  
  
"I have ta tell you'se somethin', and I know you'se don' wanna heah it but I need you to tell me what ta do about it," he softly whispered in my ear.  
  
On top of a jealous home,  
  
She feels she could connect it,  
  
He was an opinionated fool,  
  
He could not just pretend that  
  
She was there in the next room.  
  
"Alright Spot, I'm listening to you." I replied softly, I could feel the words coming, it would change my life forever.  
  
"Well, you'se Jade know me bettah den any one. so you should know dat I'se really serious about Secret." I nodded my ascent to the knowledge commonly known.  
  
He cleared his throat for the words next to come. "I think I'se in love wid hah, Secret I mean, Snaps."  
  
Wont leave her alone,  
  
Twice in every way,  
  
They lead a life you could forget now,  
  
It wouldn't be the last time,  
  
It better be the first time.  
  
So she wont sleep better alone,  
  
And he wont sleep better alone,  
  
No they wont feel better alone.  
  
Pete Yorn lyrics for the new song clips, 'Black, Sleep better, Life on a Chain, Strange Condition." Thank you all my lovelies, and don't worry, this isn't the end.  
  
READ AND REVIEW LOVES!! 


	8. Chapter 8

Alright for all those who missed last chapters update. Spot has just professed that he is in love with the newest girlfriend, Secret. Snaps has realized that she is in love with her long time friend Spot, and is torn with her emotions, what WILL she do?!  
  
And a special thanks to those who actually reviewed for my new updates who include:  
  
Anglefish7- hey, not everyone reviews, I understand that! But thank you soo much for reviewing, you don't know how good it makes me feel to know that people are actually reading my horrible writing! Lol  
  
Umm... lol you hate it that much ? im sorry you don't like it, I really didn't mean to take that direction with it, but it just struck me as the best way to reach the ending! Lol if you want to talk plot with me just email me at beceldring@msn.com I'd love to hear ideas  
  
And Harley (nenaaceveda1614@msn.com) thank you very much!! I like it too. did I update quick enough? Lol five days isn't that bad for me actually! Lol  
  
So she wont sleep better alone,  
  
And he wont sleep better alone,  
  
No they wont feel better alone.  
  
An audible gasp came out, wait, in love with Secret? SECRET?!  
  
Oh Lordy that hurt.  
  
"S-Secret? You think you're in love with Secret?" I asked incredulously.  
  
Spot gave me a long and searching look. "Yea," he breathed.  
  
"Oh," came my one-syllabic response.  
  
"Is something wrong wit dat Snaps?"  
  
"What in the world would be wrong with that?" there was a long pause after the hasty words had come out.  
  
To even me I knew they sounded hurried, and not plausible. Obviously, I was hiding something from him, Spot was one of the most perceptive people I knew, and here he was, still oblivious to my feelings for him.  
  
In a moment of feelings I sat up and grabbed him to myself, a tight hug saying the words that would surely drive the thoughts of me away, if they were even there, "That's wonderful Spot! I'm so happy for you! I always did like Secret!"  
  
The response to my words was an uncomfortable silence, ended only by a banging downstairs...the nature of I am certain I do not want to know. Brooklyn boys really were boisterous with girls.  
  
"Well," Spot said after a long interlude of soft breathing noises, "Then I guess you'se also think it's a good idea to well... um.. make it a liddle moah poimenent?"  
  
I coughed.  
  
Clearing my throat a little to show my discomfort that he was even considering doing anything of the sort, I replied, "What are you talking about?"  
  
A little uncertainly, he began to explain, "Well, I'se know dat you'se will always be dere foah me, I'se can always count on you'se-" I interrupted him, "What does this have to do with me?"  
  
"Eveythin' has got ta do with you damn it Snaps!"  
  
This confused me, first he says he's in love with Secret; wanted to make things more permanent, and now he was saying this had to do with me. How could any of that possibly have anything to do with me? It was his decision, wasn't it?  
  
"What I'se was meanin' ta say was dat, I could always count on you'se for advice, so I just want to see what you'se think I should do 'bout it." He looked at me questioningly, as if I really had an answer for him. Screwed up boy.  
  
"Well," I said slowly, sitting up to face him. I leaned on the metal bar on the corner of the bunk testing my own words slowly in my head, "What did you mean, 'more permanent'?" I asked skeptically.  
  
He chuckled for a moment then responded in almost a mocking tone, "What you'se think dat I'm gonna marry dat goil?" large gales of laughter erupted in the small room. He entire body shook with his howling laughs. At one point, five minutes later, he accidentally fell on the floor clutching his stomach.  
  
As his laughter died out gradually I asked in a particularly aggravated tone, " And what may I ask is so damn funny Mr. Conlon?" I believed he was mocking me.  
  
He looked up at me from the floor, his eyes were alight with tom foolery as he chuckled softly to himself for another few moments. Clearing his throat and wiping his eyes, he gave me his oh so detailed answer: "You'se are."  
  
"While I'll thank for that compliment or insult another time, explain yourself right now, what the hell are you talking about? Permanent . . . ? What the hell do you want to make permanent?"  
  
He gave me an even look, I suppose he wasn't used to hearing me curse, and it must have put him in the right state of mind again, considering the fact that I was not in the mood for this cheerfulness.  
  
"Well I'se thinking that I want to not break up wid hah, maybe tell her dat I'se love her you know, all dat romantic shit."  
  
"Yes, romantic shit, right."  
  
His lower lip came slightly out in a small pout, "Will you'se help me get da goil of mah dreams to be mine longer dan a measly two weeks?"  
  
Well this was a hard decision, to help the guy I was in love with profess his love to another? Sure. Piece of cake right?  
  
Haha.don't you just lurrvv me? Well. what do you think? Lol please pretty please please review? Alrighty then. until next time  
  
~Jade Shintz 


	9. Chapter 9

Hello my dear sweet wonderful readers! Please don't throw rotten fruit at me with perfect aim… I swear, you'll like this chapter! I know I took a long time to add this, but I had to give myself I a rest, I knew if I pushed it, the story would just come out awful.  The way I write is by feeling, I do it without knowing what I'm writing, only after do I know what I've done.  Well, some things are planned, but that's more like the plot, or certain dramatic situations, anyways, I'd like to thank everyone who has supported me.  

Previously in Chapter 8: 

"Well I'se thinking that I want to not break up wid hah, maybe tell her dat I'se love her you know, all dat romantic shit."

"Yes, romantic shit, right." 

His lower lip came slightly out in a small pout, "Will you'se help me get da goil of mah dreams to be mine longer dan a measly two weeks?"

Well this was a hard decision, to help the guy I was in love with profess his love to another? Sure.  Piece of cake right? 

Chapter 9:

_Confusion that never stops___

_The closing walls and ticking clocks_

_Gonna come back and take you home_

_I could not stop, that you now know_

"Would you just be straight with me for a second ok? What exactly do you want to do?"

"I want to shoah hah dat I'se loved hah since da day dat I'se laid eyes on hah.  Years ago." 

My breath caught in my throat, wait, he'd only met Secret two weeks ago nearly. 

I looked into his eyes unwillingly as he scooted towards me on the bed and lifted my chin.  "I don't understand." Was all I replied with. 

"You'se don't have ta undastand everythin'. But maybe dis'll help you'se," he slowly moved his warm caressing hand from my chin to my neck, then subtly maneuvered it around my back and waist.  

Excruciatingly unhurried tugs brought me closer to him until I was only a scant inch away from my personal angel.  

"Jesse," I breathed. 

"Yes?" he said, his breathe hot on my face.  A shiver ran down my spine at this, but as the humid air dissipated, so did my want for this.  

Not this.

Not now. 

Not again.

_Lights go out and I can't be saved___

Tides that I tried to swim against 

_Have brought me down upon my knees_

_Oh I beg, I beg and plead… … …_

_Curse missed opportunities___

_Am I a part of the cure_

_Or am I part of the disease_

"No," I barely whispered.  

I wasn't going to do this, if I did, I would be just like Sterly.  An evil stuck up whore who was used like a pair of rental shoes. 

Confusion marred his features, "What's wrong?" 

I figured if he was going to pretend he didn't know, so could I, "Nothings wrong Spot, I've just come up with a great plan though, you know for _Secret_, your current girl."

I could almost see the thoughts in his head through his eyes, his soul was bared, and I was throwing it back. From confusion to comprehension, I watched as he processed what I was saying.  He slowly pulled back, albeit reluctantly. 

I prayed for the control I was going to have to use when I was around him now.  First things first though: _remove the temptation from thine own sight_. 

Give me strength, reserve control

Give me heart and give me soul 

_Wounds that heal and cracks that fix_

_Oh Love, tell me your own politik_

"Tell you what, how about I write it all down, and send it over tomorrow." I said hastily. 

Heaving a defeated sigh, Spot looked me back into my eyes, "Whatevah you'se want Snaps, whatevah you'se wants," and under his breath he muttered, just loud enough that I could hear, "Anything you'se evah want."

Somehow, I knew he was trying to promise me something bigger than friendship.  Something he was not allowed to give. 

"Well, I'll just head downstairs and kick Slick out of his bunk for the night," I said lightly, and slowly edging away from my true hearts desire. 

As I turned my back, I held my breath, some irrational part of me wanting him to take me back into his arms, and demand that I stay even if he had a girlfriend, that I was his own, the only one he wanted. 

But all my foolish desires were for naught.  He did not call out, or clutch me to himself, merely nodded a consent that I could not observe. 

As soon as I shut the old door behind myself, I let out the breath I had been holding, and slowly made my way downstairs. Things had wound down—it was near midnight and most boys were already asleep.  

However, there were a few activities that never seemed to cease at the Brooklyn lodging house, normally nocturnal activities went on day or night, and this day was no exception. 

One of the few guys awake was Slick; he didn't sleep much.  The only reason he had a bunk was because he saved it for me, well he used to.  

When I had lived in Brooklyn, another one of the boys I had been close with was Slick, and that's just what he was.  He was notorious around the lodging house for his capabilities of getting a free meal or so.  He was one of the few friends I made when I was in Brooklyn before I went to Manhattan with Jack.  

We would stay up late at night, talking about the world and how we thought we fit.  He said I didn't fit, I didn't belong here.  I understood what he meant and I knew he was right.  

We were always truthful to each other, and it did not require a genius to figure out we were not romantically involved—we just… … …fit. Not in a more than platonic relationship but that is how it was—we fit together. 

We meshed. 

His parents were long dead, long before I could pick up a spoon he was working on the streets. Yet, he was only two more years older than I was. 

I remember how he would let me lay on his bunk while we talked, any thing and every thing subject to discussion, and due to our common disturbance, Slick gained himself a personal room; that he never used. 

I worried about him; he never seemed to find himself a girl to bond with.  He never connected really well with most people; in fact, it had been a few long weeks when I first came before he even said a word to me.  

Being the persistent person I am though, I made sure to smile at him every time I saw him.  He was quiet and withdrawn from the other newsboys.  I suppose it was the silence in the air that hung around him like a cloak that in fact drew me to him in the first place. 

He had the intellect to match most scholars, and if he had gone to school, I could bet that he would be a professor or doctor of something. 

As it were though, he was a below the poverty line newsboy, who found his only intellectual conversations could be found in a person younger than him, a girl for that matter. 

He seemed to accept an equal in intelligence with good grace though, and from the first 'hello' to our last 'goodbye', we had been as close as we would get as friends.  

Slick was nowhere near unattractive, however his soft good-looking features had never drawn a girl to him that was acceptable. Slick was rather meticulous on who he chose to have relationships with, and this certainly applied to anyone he would choose to court. 

He had a good body structure to be sure; carefully toned muscles were easily seen behind the flimsy fabric of the few shirts he possessed.  His frame was on the taller side, but he was no giant; he had a light tan that accentuated his physique perfectly.  Long dark eyelashes framed deep-set black eyes that showed the acumen glaring inside them. Full pouty pink lips that rarely formed a smile were always deliciously curved into a small smirk.   His dark brown hair was fine, and always hung delicately just below his well formed eyebrows. To conclude, he was breathtaking, but hard to notice.  

His preference was to always be in the shadows, so unless you knew Slick was there, or you were looking for him, you would not notice him. This was a good thing for Slick, as he was quite the eavesdropper, and as previously mentioned, a thief. 

As I entered the bunking room, I made my way to the back where a wooden door was next to the washroom, Slicks' room.  Softly stepping across the floor, I knocked as lightly as possible on his door, I had learned a long time ago to not to enter rooms with the doors shut, you lost your virgin eyes quick that way in this place. 

A muffled, "Come in," was heard and I again trod carefully and walked inside his small room. His surprised face put a smile on mine, and soon I was swept into welcoming familiar arms. 

"I've missed you so much Jade," came a slightly distorted voice that was currently buried in my shoulder. I rubbed his back, "I missed you too Slick." 

He pulled back to look me in the eyes, as soon as I glanced away, he demanded I tell him 'what the hell I was doing in this dump'. 

I shut the door gently behind me and let him lead me to his bed.  He took a stool from next to the window and set it down in front of the bunk.  I folded my legs comfortably beneath me and waited for him to begin the conversation I knew at one point would render me in tears for the second or third time that day.  

In five words, he explained the rules, "Tell me everything, no lies." 

And in the hours of the early morning as I told my story, my heart bled again.  

Wow, alright well, I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. What did ya'll think of Slick? Do you like his character? 

Love and inspiration,

~Jade Shintz 


	10. Chapter 10

Previously in chapter 9:

_A muffled, "Come in," was heard and I again trod carefully and walked inside his small room. His surprised face put a smile on mine, and soon I was swept into welcoming familiar arms. _

_"I've missed you so much Jade," came a slightly distorted voice that was currently buried in my shoulder. I rubbed his back, "I missed you too Slick." _

_He pulled back to look me in the eyes, as soon as I glanced away, he demanded I tell him 'what the hell I was doing in this dump'. _

_I shut the door gently behind me and let him lead me to his bed.  He took a stool from next to the window and set it down in front of the bunk.  I folded my legs comfortably beneath me and waited for him to begin the conversation I knew at one point would render me in tears for the second or third time that day.  _

_In five words, he explained the rules, "Tell me everything, no lies." _

_And in the hours of the early morning as I told my story, my heart bled again.  _

After the long telling of the anecdote I felt lighter, to know that someone else knew my point of view, knew the way I saw the world.  Slick was like that; he sat and listened to me, not saying anything for a good two hours. 

He was able to accept things the way I understood them, how another interpreted a situation was one of his specialties.  He had a way of comprehending other's actions even when being told them by second hand information.

Slick cleared his throat warily before beginning, "Well, it seems to me that we have a slight dilemma on our hands," he was also known for understating things to a fault.

"No kidding," I commented back, "But I think I'd appreciate your opinion on what the hell I am supposed to do now."

Slick's eyes were full of alertness, breathtaking things swirling within his glassy orbs. I saw intelligence and warm caring; I sighed. He deserved the most wonderful girl in the world. 

His lips curved into a delicious smirk and he let out a small chuckle before responding, "I just love the way you are so articulate about your predicament. I think the resolution should be simple Jade.  Apparently, Spot has feelings for you, and—oddly enough, you reciprocate them.  Where you go from here depends on how you want his and your relationship to be.  Do you want to be a friend, a friend with benefits, sex no strings attached? A woman he loves?"

All throughout his carefully guarded words, I noticed a twinge of a new emotion in his eyes.  I could hear the defeat in his voice. I recognized it immediately, despair—rejection

"Slick, is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Not in particular. Well, actually yes.  I've known you for a long time Jade, and I've known Spot too, and I know in my heart, that… he doesn't deserve you.

"Hell, Jack doesn't even deserve to lick the ground you walk on, but seriously, can you think of no one else that you could share your life with?"

"You know about my feelings for Spot, they started a long time ago.  I know you don't want me to feel this way but-"

He cut me off, "It isn't that I don't want you to like him." He crossed the room to my side. 

"Its just that I want you to…

"I want you to love me Jade, I… I want your affection. 

"Friends was always more than enough as long as I knew that Jack was just a fling, a time passer, sure it hurt, but not as much as the knowledge that you want to jump head first into a relationship with one of the most notorious womanizers in the Brooklyn area.

"I know you feel like you know him, and I'm sure you're a lot closer to him than anyone ever has been, but do you really think it's the best idea to stir up all this drama?"

_Drama?_ Since when had my affections been 'drama'.

"That's not fair Slick," I responded somewhat heatedly, "Just because Spot has some relationship issues doesn't mean he should be excluded from having someone special."

"Which he has a new taste of every other week Jade!" Slick's temper was rising; I could tell this was not a discussion that would end well.

"Look, it doesn't matter whether or not I have feelings for him anymore.  He's in love with Secret."

Slick's eyes widened at my remark, he shook his head in disbelief as well as confusion, "Jade, Secret dumped Spot last night."

I gasped at the knowledge, was this the reason that he wasn't in Brooklyn this morning? Is that why he tried to kiss me?  But why did he lie to me about being in love with her, and wanting to prolong his relationship with her if it was nonexistent?

I was so confused now, and I decided to voice this to my companion.

"I'm so confused. Why?"

"Apparently… they were getting heavy up in his room, and when they er… lets just say he didn't exactly call out 'Secret' at the end."

Oh God, how vulgar, how completely horrendous, and I was just laying on that bed! Oh, I feel dirty. I need to go wash myself off or something.  I feel so… wronged.

"And what did he call out pray tell?" I asked slowly, looking Slick in the eye, questioning him with my gaze—willing him to tell me everything he knew.

"Well… something along the lines of groaning, 'Oh God, God yes Jade.'"  He grimaced as he said the words. He then  looked remorsefully into my eyes, asking silently if I was affected by this knowledge.

How revolting, how completely uncalculated and sloppy. He might as well have worn a sign on his forehead that said, "I'm using you for sex."

I couldn't help sharing my thoughts with Slick. "Today, I could almost taste the magnetism we had towards each other, and then he told me he loved Secret, when in fact she had broken up with him the night before, because he had said _my_ name instead. He lied to me.  I find lies so repulsive, and he knows that! I feel so… betrayed, Slick.

I looked back into his eyes.  Oh no, I had completely forgotten his confession.

A warm buzz kindled in my heart. And I put away my feelings for the moment towards Spot.

"How long have you felt this way for me Slick?"

"Since the first day I saw you. Maybe not so forcefully the first day, but when I started talking to you, I knew you were the only girl I had ever met that interested me beyond looks. You had a fire, you had an allure that no one could touch.  Every room you entered brightened. I love you Jade, I've loved you for a long time."

All throughout this detailed confession, all I could think of was how many times I had jokingly commented on how he need to find a lover, a sweet girl to marry, someone who understood him and intrigued him. And unfortunately, it was someone like me.

They can't tell me who to be,  
'Cause I'm not what they see.  
And the world is still sleeping,  
While I keep on dreaming for me.  
And their words are just whispers  
And lies that I'll never believe.

My eyes filled with iridescent liquid. Tears, they had surrounded me so often today, sometimes in pain, sometimes in sadness, and now in remorse.

"I'm so sorry William.  But I cannot give you that kind of love.  You know I would die for you if I had to, but I don't harbor those kinds of feelings towards you. You are my soul brother—not my lover."

"Is it so hard, so impossible, to want me as a man, and not a genderless friend?"

I closed my eyes, Slick was more than adequate, and any girl he fell in love with should be honored, and I would have been… but… I wasn't.

I loved my best friend more than all the world, but not more than Spot Conlon.

"No, it isn't, but it also isn't that simple. Listen—"

"No you listen, I know what you're going to tell me.  You're going to say that I'll find someone that I love more than you, that you don't deserve me.  Don't you think I've thought these things over? You know me better than anyone, you alone know how calculating and how meticulous I am about my life and emotions.  I've considered everything, I've tried to find another, but I cant. I still throughout it all loved you, and what you stood for.  I know you don't love me in the same way, but at least grant me one wish, afterwards, I will never broach this subject again, we can forget what I said."

I was wary of this wish, it could be anything.  But after all I'd already done to him, I felt I could at least grant him his one request. I slowly nodded my consent.

"Let me kiss you, like in my dreams?" His voice was imploring me to say yes, to give in to this temptation.  This comfort that I had denied Spot, sought me out so willingly in Slicks beseeching look.

Could I do this?  A huge resounding _NO_ ran throughout my head, but a small flame kindled in my heart that said softly… _yes._

Another small nod.

He closed his eyes, as if imprinting this moment forever in his mind. Slowly he drew near to me and gathered me slowly in his warm and comforting arms. His eyes beckoned me to consent with my heart.

All I could think of was Spot.

Spot. Jesse. His eyes, so blue and full of warmth.

And then his lips were upon mine. Caressing gently, lightly stroking fingers in my hair, a hand on my back.

And then all I could think of, see, feel, smell, taste, hear… was… William.

An emotion so full of action accumulated in my stomach, it radiated out to the tips of my fingers and my lips.

And I want a moment to be real,  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.

**Author's Notes: **

Song used in this chapter is by Johnny Rzeznik, _I'm Still Here_

And I hope you like the new chapter. I am so sorry it took me so long to update.  I know I've probably lost so many fans to my story because I haven't updated. But that's ok, because I know that they loved it once, and that's good enough for me.

I'd love for you to review, it doesn't have to be long, but I'm just letting you know that I would really appreciate some feed back since it took me a lot of time to get through my writers block for this story.

Love and Inspiration,

Jade Shintz


	11. Chapter 11 The End

Such emotion racked my senses, Slick was tender, he was sweet, but he wasn't the person whose touch sent shivered down my spine, whose very presence set me to edge and made me feel safe at the same time.

He wasn't Spot.

I let Slick carry on for a few more seconds, letting him savor whatever comfort he found in my lips, hair, and back. When he tried to push entry into my mouth with his tongue however, I backed away from him slowly, pushing him away with my hands on his chest.

"No Slick, all I promised was a chance to kiss me, nothing else," I let my voice carry a soft dominant tone, one that warned him subtly that this was as far as things would go.

"But you feel so good Jade, you're so perfect to me," he tried to convince me to go back to his arms, but I would not be so easily persuaded.

"Listen Slick, I don't feel that way about you, you are one of my best friends?and I swear that if I felt even the slightest spark of attraction towards you, I would dive right back into your arms the second I could. But I didn't, all I felt was you, comforting and comfortable you, someone I feel safe with," I paused to look him in his eyes, which were burning slowly with an easily perceived pain. But I couldn't do anything to help, he would get over me, and until he did, I would avoid him.

"I love Spot, I'm so sorry William," and with that last proclamation and repetition of my feelings, I leaned forward, and kissed his cheek. Taking one last look at my broken hearted friend, I sighed and walked to the door, pausing for one more second.

"I never meant to hurt you."

A soft, "I know," was the only reply. I nodded my head, and left the room.

I shut the door quietly and leaned my back onto it for support. I felt like banging my head against a wall.

So I did.

Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you  
That I'm in love with you

Where was I going to go now? The only thought that made sense was go to see if Spot was still awake, we had some things to talk about now.

I ceased and desisted from banging my head against the nearest wall and dizzily climbed my way up the steps to Spots own private room that I had descended already that night twice.

Sighing for what seemed the hundredth time that night, I opened the door to Spots room.

I could see through the room with the moonlight flooding in the small space. And there he was, sleeping silently on the one bed, curled into the cutest little ball. He must have been the sweetest looking seventeen year old I had ever seen while sleeping.

He looked like an angel, and even though he was unconscious, he still held the presence of a leader, which all but dissipated when I noted that he was drooling lightly on his pillow. I smiled widely at this notice, and giggled softly.

But simply put, I found him to be the most breath taking?adorable creature I'd ever laid eyes on. And I knew now with extreme certainty, I loved him?to the point past insanity, because lets face it, love is never rational.

Love is crazy, love is wild, love is never ending and strong, it knows no bounds of selflessness, of pain, of endurance. Love is pure.

My love was pure, it was endless, it was constant, and it was real. My one last thought of doubt as I sat on the bed to wake him, was that maybe? he didn't feel the same way towards me. But then as that thought entered, so did another, the second over powering the first, telling me that even if he didn't, he deserved to know that someone cared for him like this?even if it was unrequited in the end.

So many people everyday find unrequited love, and they lived on, and so would I, if the situation called for it. I could go on living without him feeling the same. It would hurt, but I would live.

I want a moment to be real,  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
And how can they say I never change  
They're the ones that stay the same.  
I'm the one now,  
'Cause I'm still here.

I would live on, because I had to. The world didn't stop moving because someone else didn't feel the same way for me.

Shaking my head, I stopped thinking of how I would have to move on if he didn't feel the same, and lightly grabbed his arm to wake him.

In a split second, my position on the bed was completely rotated, and suddenly I was wedged between the bed, and a deliciously warm body.

"What the f?" was all I could get out of my mouth before it was crushed to warm pliable lips above me. Moving quickly, begging me to respond. And I gave in, I was so weak to the pleasures of the body.

It was so?

_Back to you  
It always comes around  
Back to you  
I tried to forget you  
I tried to stay away  
But it's too late_

It was heaven and hell at the same time.

Heaven, that I was in touch with the most invigorating feeling I'd ever experienced, such close proximity to this person was intoxicating.

Hell, because we were so close, but not nearly enough skin on skin. Warm, soft, supple skin.

It felt like I was dying, but that I realized, was because I was running out of oxygen.

I reached up and pulled his face away from mine with my left hand, because my right hand was rather crushed under my back from when Spot had flipped me over.

After I pulled back from Spot for a few seconds to catch my breath, I finally spoke.

"What the fuck was that for? Not that I'm complaining or anything, but damn," I said with as much emphasis as possible on the not complaining part, because I surely was quite happy with his certain style, even if it did leave a girl wanting? wanting more that is.

I felt rather than saw his shrug, "It just felt right I guess. That, and when you left last time, you wouldn't let me, so I figured I'd pay you back."

Mentally, I made a note in my head to do things for him to pay me back more often.

I kicked myself psychologically in the head for letting my thoughts stray. We still had things to talk about.

"Spot, I have something I came to tell you," I stated rather bluntly and opened my mouth to tell him everything I knew.

"Wait," he stopped me from saying anything by pressing a soft finger to my lips, still tingling from when we'd kissed.

"I have something I want to tell you first, I tried to tell you before, but you left."

I nodded, letting him know I was going to allow him to continue uninterrupted, for the most part at least.

"I lied to you before," No shit Sherlock, keep going pretty boy.

"Secret and I aren't together anymore, and I'm sorry for lying to you."

Ok, this was a good start, he's starting to come clean. But I waited to see how far his truthful streak would go.

"Secret broke up with me last night because I said something that she didn't appreciate, and it wasn't really my fault though. It was a reflex so to speak."

My eyes widened at this, a reflex to call out another girl's name during copulation? How strange. How? disturbing. But I let him continue, we'd talk about that later.

"She broke up with me, and I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. I felt a little heart broken, cause I really did like her?as a person" he added when he saw my eye brow lift in question.

"Well, I was a little unhappy, but there was also this unbelievable feeling of being free, and I felt so full of opportunity after that. I didn't know why at the time, all I knew was, that I felt better than I had in a year. So I went to Manhattan this morning to see you and tell you what had happened. But when I saw you that morning? something in me just?clicked you could say. Because it's you Jade, you're the reason I felt free, because I wanted to be with you. Because? I lo?care about you."

So, that was actually a pretty truthful confession, and my heart swelled when I heard him confess that he 'cared' about me, I suppose that's as close to telling me he loved me as he was going to go while he didn't know how I felt towards him.

I understood his trepidation to admit his feelings?but I could see it in his eyes, the way he was looking at me right now, I could see his soul again, and it was begging me to reciprocate.

And all I could do was fulfill that desire. The desire to comfort that boy whose eyes were full of tears, that desire to share my dreams and life with that boy who made me feel comfortable and needed a confidant, that desire to share my love with the boy who finally knew that he loved me back.

So I did. I pulled him back to my body and kissed him with all the emotion I felt that I couldn't put into words.

And when I pulled up for another breath, I puffed into his ear gently?"I love you Spot, and I always have."

I felt his smile on my neck, and I knew?that from now on, things would be better.

Slick's heart would heal.

Sterly would go to hell (hopefully), where the devil would promptly kick her in the ass, repeatedly, for good measure.

Jack would learn his lesson with Sterly for cheating on me by in turn being cheated on by Sterly as well.

And me and Spot you ask?

Well we learned our lessons too.

We learned that love isn't always complicated, its just the life that goes with it that is, but we learned to make that simple too.

We learned that telling the truth to each other was hard, but that it also was necessary if we were to continue to trust and care.

Spot actually learned later on in our relationship that I knew everything he'd confessed beforehand, and I learned that he actually didn't have sex with Secret. (cheer)

As for Spot and I on that subject, well? that's my little secret from you (smirk), but I guess you can imagine it for yourselves if you want.

But in the end, I guess we all figured, that life?was good, no matter which side of the bed you were on.

The End.


End file.
